Oh, the irony!

Oh, the irony!

As I was cleaning my house the other day, I left the television on for some background noise. I heard a woman on a commercial candidly say, “Being careful is important to me, because I have genital herpes.” Hmmmmm…really? Is that right? I repeated it in my head a few times to make sure I heard her correctly. Um, I’m going to go with “no” on that one. I thought, “Ma’am, I’m going to suggest that being careful is, in fact, not as important to you as you might claim…hence, the presence of the STD. By all means, correct me if I’m wrong, but….” There’s another STD commercial that Kurt and I heard once that featured a man saying, “I mean, who has time to take 7 pills a day?” Kurt’s response: “Um, you do, sir. You, with the genital herpes.” [Side note: Neither Kurt nor I carry any infectious diseases. Also, please, no West Point jokes. Kurt and I do, in fact, notice and enjoy commercials other than the ones that advertise STD medications. We really like the Domino’s Oreo Dessert Pizza commercial, and Kurt really likes the Bluebell ice cream commercial that begins: “I remember our old country home…” But not because he remembers his old country home. He just likes to impersonate the singer.]

On a hopefully lighter note (you never know what you’ll run into in Alabama), I’m headed to Orange Beach tomorrow with 3 really fun ladies! Bonnie Hardin (mother of Claire, Sam, Hailey, and Maggie; mother-in-law of Katherine Skinner Hardin), Becky Baxter (mother of Bo, Ben, and Brent; mother-in-law of Lane Napier Baxter, and also “the mouth of Tupelo”), and Barbara Cooper (mother of Kurt; mother-in-law to yours truly). I know what you’re thinking: “Marty, won’t you be the only premenopausal person on the trip?” Yes, in fact, I will. But that will only add to the fun. Allow me to give you a quick profile of these lovely ladies:

Bonnie is one of the most generous people I know. I have never known anyone who serves others better with her time and resources. She decorated my whole house. I had a ton of accessories that I didn’t know where to place, and she made not one, not two, but THREE trips to Tupelo to help me get my house settled. That’s right, totally settled within 4 months of moving. Record timing. She is also always looking out for her friends to make sure their houses look nice as well. In addition, she threw Kurt and me the best engagement party of them all at her house by the pool. She gave us wonderful wedding gifts—notice the “s” on the end of gift. She contributed to our cause while Kurt was in seminary. She’s just a downright good person. I am sure she does many more things to serve God’s kingdom that people don’t see or know about. She is also a marathon shopper. Wear arch supports if you are going shopping with her. You might as well be hiking the AT. Oh yeah, and the condo at Orange Beach is hers, and she invited me to stay!

Becky can be summed up in one word: hilarious. Well, actually, she can’t be. She’s wildly outgoing, a touch crazy, very opinionated, has never met a stranger, knows the dish on everyone in Tupelo, is one of the most caring and sacrificial moms I’ve ever known, and has been a faithful friend to the Cooper family for many years. I absolutely adore this woman. There is never a dull moment when she’s around! I’m definitely looking forward to spending this trip with her. I know I’ll learn a lot…whether I want to or not!

Barbara…oh, Barbara, Barbara, Barbara. Where to begin? Well, she’s the best mother-in-law (I prefer the term “second mom”) a girl could wish for. I know for a fact that some of my friends are jealous that I have her and they don’t. When I came on the scene, Kurt immediately became a subordinate, and she’s treated me like a princess ever since. She is fiercely loyal, an extremely hard worker (She was the best teacher Saltillo high school ever had. She’s retired now.), loved by many (ask all of her former students, Becky being one of them), hated by none, writes novel-length emails in size 16 font in strictly question format, wants to know the scoop on who’s “getting up a case” with whom, and talks on the phone for at least 5 hours a day—mostly either to Bonnie or Becky. She also knows and recites clever little quips and nursery rhymes daily. She is known to be “slap dab burning up” even in subzero temperatures and, when the opportunity arises, she’ll “be suh-lung out!” She is a giver, too. When Kurt and I first started dating, she gave me a gift each time we visited her home. And, one day in the next score or millennium, she’ll be a wonderful grandmother to mine and Kurt’s children. When she dies, she’ll be reincarnated as Nicole Kidman. She's also on Facebook or, as Kurt's dad calls it, "facelift." Here’s a quote from a recent email from Barbara concerning the upcoming beach trip: “I bought a Taboo game today to take to the beach. I am also taking candy corn because it is so delicious and nutritious.”

We’re also going to the Foley outlet mall! I’m going to go to an actual JCrew store, something I’ve only done about 4 times in my 23 years. I know, total loser. Hopefully the next time I write, I’ll be really tan with flowing blonde locks and a whole new wardrobe; so basically, not myself at all.