Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Words of Wisdom

I need to write down all the things my grandmother says to me. Her comments almost always have to do with my weight (yes, she's always harped on lil' ol' me about my weight -- even though I have had my bigger times in the last year --) or my appearance (what I'm wearing, how my face/hair looks, etc.).

My grandmother is a proper lady. She hardly ever speaks a crass word, and if she does, she spells it. For example, one time she said, "I am so D-A-M-N angry..."

She and my precious grandfather stopped by my office today to give me a hug. I haven't seen them in a few weeks, and they were passing through Tupelo and wanted to see me. It was a pleasant visit as usual, but then we had this conversation:

"What meeting do you have today at 5:00?" asked Grandmom.
"It's with a pretty important client," says I.
"Well, make sure you put your powderpuff to your nose beforehand," Grandmom concluded.

Of course. Can't leave without commenting on my appearance. She is too proper to say, "Your face is shiny. Fix it."

She also likes to say, "You just need the taste." She says that when telling my grandfather he doesn't need a ton of jelly for his toast (because you just need enough to taste it, not enough to pack on the calories) or when ordering a kid's sized yogurt instead of a normal-sized one.

Stay tuned for more words of wisdom from my grandmother, who will put you down, but only in the nicest, most loving way.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Winnie goes trick-or-treating

This picture looks like Winnie, but it's not. Well, it's not actually her, but the poor thing did get sick today.

This morning started out normally. I went to work; Kurt went to work; my sister Leslie was visiting and slept in before packing up to head home. Leslie called me at work about 10:00 this morning saying that Winnie had gotten herself into some mischief.

First, the typical thing. Leslie left the guest room door open, and Winnie chewed up and scattered all of Leslie's feminine products. Like I said, typical.

Then the bad news. Winnie girl chewed the top off of Leslie's migraine medicine pills and there were pills strewn about the bedroom floor. Oh no. Leslie didn't hear Winnie in the guest room and didn't know to keep the door closed to protect her belongings, so she discovered Winnie after she had raided Leslie's medicine cabinet, a.k.a. suitcase. (That pup is not afraid to rummage through your stuff...or your trash cans, etc. She's nosy. Like her mama.)

I called Winnie's veterinarian and they said to give her some hydrogen peroxide and make her vomit, then sift through the vomit to see if there were any pills in there. GROSS. (Note: I'd rather clean up dog poop than dog vomit. If you've ever had to clean up dog puke, it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "That girl/guy/outfit is dog-vomit ugly.")

Leslie was the one at home, so she agreed to give Winnie the peroxide and wait. After Leslie turned Winnie's head back and made her swallow some peroxide, it took about five minutes for Winster to puke. Leslie had taken her outside at my suggestion, so Winnie was able to vom without getting the floors dirty. Leslie called and said, "She puked...3 times. Do you have any gloves so I can examine it?"

Well, I told her I did have gloves, but only garden gloves. So, she used those. Thankfully, no pills were discovered. However, Leslie did discover a bar code sticker from something I bought (who knows?) as well as a paper clip. Yikes.

So, Winnie girl is ok. I'm ok as well. Kurt's ok, too. Bless our hearts. Here's to keeping a closer eye on my little nibbler.