Thursday, November 29, 2007
The Bulldogs won! Well, that's not news. More like "olds", right? Kurt and I had a great time at the Egg Bowl, aside from the freezing weather and losing most of the game. I spilled hot chocolate on myself and some guy behind me also spilled coke on my hiney. But, it was all worth it when the score was 17-14 at the end. I also got to see some friends, like Becca!
I thought of 2 things to add to the list of things I don't believe in:
1. Hayrides - Two words: cold and itchy! I have never understood the joy in hayrides. Please explain it to me. You pile on a trailer full of itchy, smelly, often damp hay with your peers (or younger) and you slowly ride behind a tractor in the cold, dark night. Another bad part about it is that there are usually people stationed along the course who try to scare you, and I absolutely despise being startled. (That's for another blog entry, but Kurt can attest that I am very jumpy and I frighten easily). So, don't waste your time inviting me to a hayride. Not gonna happen. I know, you must be sorely disappointed.
2. Yoo-hoo in a can - Disgusting. I was standing in the checkout line at Sam's today and I saw Yoo-hoo in a can! I mean, what is Yoo-hoo? It's called a "chocolate drink." What is that? Chocolate-flavored what? According to yoo-hoo.com, it is an all-natural chocolate-flavored drink that cannot spoil, has 5 vitamins and minerals, is 99% fat free, and is caffeine free. I'm very impressed by that information; however, the can packaging is still gross. Carbonation usually comes in a can, not chocolate water. Count me out, Yoo-hoo.
I'm going to Jackson for the day tomorrow with Barb, Bonnie, and Becky - my beach buddies. Deja Vu. Hopefully, I'll get to see some friends and do some Christmas shopping! I only have a couple of more gifts to buy. If you want to receive a Christmas card from us this year, please send me your address at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Hooray for boot season! I have just realized how much I love boots. I should have seen it coming, what with all the clues: 1. I've worn only boots for the past 5 days in a row 2. I have one pair of tall leather brown boots, one pair of tall leather black boots, one pair of short leather brown boots, and one pair of short leather black boots 3. I might get another pair of boots for Christmas. Boots, boots, boots! I can't get enough of them. I think I might actually wear boots every day until March 1 (I consider March a Spring month), and I won't even do it on purpose! I just naturally gravitate toward boots in the Winter. My feet get cold easily, and boots, being stronger and sturdier than tennis shoes, seem better equipped to keep out the cold and keep in the warmth!
Speaking of seasons, I believe we have officially reached Winter. Here's how I divide the seasons in MS:
November - February = Winter (4 months)
March - mid-May = Spring (2.5 months)
Mid-May - September = Summer (4.5 months)
October = Fall (1 month)
That's right. Sadly there is only one month of Fall for Mississippians. Only one month of blissful, crisp, weather with light breezes, crunchy leaves, and clear blue skies. Only one month of weather perfection. On the other hand, February is the worst month in existence. It is cold, rainy, and downright depressing. Feel free to send me warm casseroles, flowers, and a sundry other nice gifts in February. Your generous contributions are the only way I'll make it through that wretched month...well, those and an umbrella, boots, and chocolate on Valentine's Day.
Anyhoo, I want to share with you a story that my lovely friend Anna Duggan shared with me earlier this week. Anna tutors elementary school children weekly at a public school in Memphis. She was reading her students a story that featured Roman Numerals. She asked the class, "Does anyone know what Roman Numerals are?" One little boy replied, "Oooooo yeah! That's the pasta you cook in the microwave and then pour the seasoning on it." Classic. Teachers have fabulous stories to tell. Keep 'em coming, Anna and Claire. [Answer: Ramen Noodles...in case ya missed it.]
Also, the American music scene has been on a rapid decline for years. I am willing to bet that most of you have heard the song "Tattoo" by Jordin Sparks, who won the sixth season of American Idol, which I learned from Wikipedia because I do not watch the show. Here are some lyrics featured in this recently penned jewel of wisdom:
Don't look back at a new direction/I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do/You're on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you/I'll always have you, I'll always have you
I almost have no words to say on the subject...Just kidding. It's me. Of course, I do! This song is a sign that American music has hit rock bottom. Or, to quote Rachel from Friends: "There's rock bottom, fifty feet of crap, then [THIS SONG]!" I have various problems with the lyrics and ideas portrayed in this song, but the tattoo allusion is the worst. Are there no better analogies for love, love lost, or love forgotten than body art? What she really means is, "When I'm 67 years old, I'll see this saggy, maimed butterfly on my lower back while I'm looking at my butt in the mirror and remember the week we dated in junior high school." Being a part of someone in the same way you'll always be stuck with tattoo is not exactly a form of flattery. "Gee, I wish I could get rid of this wrinkly barbed wire tattoo on my bicep now that I'm 85." Tattoos are generally not remembered fondly. They are normally regretted more with age, and a person usually tries to hide the evidence that it ever existed on his or her body. Apparently the guy she wrote this song about (if she even wrote it) will soon be considered a mistake and she'll try to cover up the fact that she ever knew him! In trying to find a catchy, common icon through which to relate her feelings, Jordin is actually insulting people. Maybe she should just sit the next few plays out...
Sunday, November 11, 2007
J. K. Rowling asserted last month that the character Albus Dumbledore in her Harry Potter series is gay. That is, in short, freakin' bull crap. Here's why:
1. She decided to "out" Dumbledore after she finished the series. Way after. Give me a break. I have read all 7 fabulous books (despite some grammatical and punctuation errors), and there is no allusion to Dumbledore's sexuality in any of them. Yes, he's a single old man. Yes, he wears purple robes with stars on them sometimes. But, being stereotypical or judgmental is the opposite of what Rowling is trying to teach through her books. Her heroes in the books are an orphan, a "mudblood" (someone who doesn't have magic parents), and their really poor friend. The typical victor, the one with "infinite power", is the one who loses in the end. Dumbledore has simply devoted himself to a lifetime of service to his true love: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. People in real life do that all the time. They're called priests....ok, bad example.
2. Even if Dumbledore were gay, which he is NOT, it has no effect on the story. And, the story itself even refutes it. The only mention of a suspicion about Dumbledore's sexuality occurs in the 7th book, when a slimy reporter named Rita Skeeter asserts that an inappropriate relationship could exist between Dumbledore and Harry. Everyone (the book's characters as well as the readers) knows that she is lying. It's part of the plot. So, there ya go.
3. Rowling is doing it for attention. Publicity stunt. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. She is already a multi-millionaire from writing this series and selling the rites for movies. I don't exactly think it's a wise marketing move to say that the "God-figure" of a book, the moral hero, the "good wizard" is a homosexual. In summary, one article I read says this:
But it is possible that Ms. Rowling may be mistaken about her own character [Dumbledore]. She may have invented Hogwarts and all the wizards within it, she may have created the most influential fantasy books since J. R. R. Tolkein, and she may have woven her spell over thousands of pages and seven novels, but there seems to be no compelling reason within the books for her after-the-fact assertion. Of course it would not be inconsistent for Dumbledore to be gay, but the books’ accounts certainly don’t make it necessary. The question is distracting, which is why it never really emerges in the books themselves. Ms. Rowling may think of Dumbledore as gay, but there is no reason why anyone else should.
I heard that Rowling may soon publish a book of short stories that are off-shoots of different minor characters' lives from the series. I'm definitely going to get that...But she better not try to say that one of the characters got a nose job or had a navel ring or did something else that has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STORY after the book comes out. If so, it's over between you and me, Rowling. Kapeesh?
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
And it repulsed me beyond belief. Ok, I realize that may sound a bit extreme. In case you can’t read the sign above, it says, “When things seems to go wrong, try smiling.” Please read it closely. Catch the error? Well, if you are a Grammar Nazi like I am, you did. When I read this atrocious attempt at written wisdom on Jackson St. in Tupelo, I nearly lost control of my car and slammed into the sign. Things seems?....Things SEEMS??? That would be incorrect, Sir or Madam. Things, a plural subject, requires a singular verb. The correct wording would be "things seem." Here's why I disagree with this sign:
1. Because I disagree with and make fun of most church signs. I would like to meet the person (and would probably pay to do it) who says, "This church sign changed my life. Now I am complete. Now I am whole. All my troubles have disappeared. Thank you, church sign maker." I would like to assign a task to the person who is brave, funny, and creative enough to do it. Please make a "Real men of Genius" or "Real American Heroes" version of a song for "Mr. Church Sign Witty Phrase Maker." I would love to post some on here if anyone wants to do it. Hilarious!
2. Because, as I mentioned earlier, it is grammatically incorrect. It even bothers me that there is no comma after the dependent clause "When things seems to go wrong," but I doubt they make commas for cheesy church signs...just another downfall of that industry. I don't think I'll ever set a foot inside that church building because of that sign. I just cannot support the misuse of our beloved language. I bet God is a grammarian...He's just not as judgmental about it as I am.
3. Because I also disagree with the sign's advice. Let's say, hypothetically, that I rear-ended Kurt one day at a stop light because I was trying to change it to track # 7 on my rap mix cd...which wouldn't be all that uncommon if you've ever heard his comments about my driving capabilities. So, he gets out of the car and is pretty angry...nay, livid! Fortunately, I remember this jewel of wisdom I received once from a church sign. So, I smile at him. Do you think that would work? I doubt it.
For your convenience, I left the phone number visible in the picture in case you wish to call the church and complain about their grave mistake. You're welcome.
Also, here are some pictures from Halloween. I dressed in a child's costume. I'm a cowgirl with a horse growing out of my stomach and back. Kurt dressed as Mario! He was really excited about it. Also, the youth group rolled and forked our yard that night. "Forking" a yard is when numerous plastic utensils are stuck forcefully into the ground. Loads of fun to clean up.
And, I realized this evening as I was grocery shopping that I apologize to people more at the grocery store than anywhere else. Since it is usually so crowded (apparently I do not pick the best times to go), I usually have to move this way or that and squeeze through the clogged aisles, apologizing all the while for my inconvenient presence. The next time I come home with tons of grocery bags and Kurt asks me, "Where've you been?" I'll say, "Apologizing. You hungry?"