The Bird is the Word

Last week on Thursday, I arrived at work at 8:00 in the morning. (I have a slight tendency to be late, but this entry will not cover that topic). My boss had not yet arrived. I was sitting at my desk checking my email alone in the office when I heard a bang and a rustling noise outside my window. The sound startled me. (Side note: I am easily startled and I HATE getting startled.) I looked around the office and out my window and saw no one. I knew my boss would be arriving soon, so I needn't fear. Right? Wrong. My boss didn't arrive for another 2 hours. However, the noise continued. I finally figured out it was an apparently angry robin that kept banging into our glass door and sliding down it. It kept perching itself on top of the door hinge outside and, as I came to notice, crapping a LOT. Then it would fly away and come back with full force into the window and slide down, smearing the poo all over the glass.

We have windows both beside and above our glass door at work. The windows above the door have a mirror-like sealant on them. I came to conclude that the robin was having a war with his reflection because he was pecking the window incessantly.

Before I realized that's all he was doing, I was scared. I thought he saw me walk in the office, got offended somehow, and was trying to peck the door down to get inside and claw my eyes out. Here are a few chats I had with friends throughout the morning as I avoided going near the door for fear of the bird:

Me: a bird is trying to get into this office and it's freaking me out
it keeps flying into the top of our door
i'm scared
Kelly: lol
Me: it just flapped its wings up and down the door and flew into it a bunch
the bird just saw me
Kelly: lol
Me: sorry to keep bringing it up, but this bird is pissed
Kelly: no i think it's really really funny
Me: it's a really pretty bird
but it's angry
here it comes again
Kelly: lol
whats it doing now?
Me: it just flew up to the perch again

Me: oh, and there's a bird that's trying to get in this office and kill me.
Anna: oh man..look out for killer birds
Me: it keeps flying into the door and flapping its wings on it
Anna: haha
Me: it flies up to the top and sits there, and then goes crazy on the door as it flies down
i think it saw me a minute ago

Me: there are like a zillion birds circling the street outside my office
maybe it's a plague
i'm really scared
the bird was not swayed by the other visitors
it's still outside
just flew directly into the door
Anna: weird!
i don’t get it
maybe something died in your office building

Me: Bird not giving up
Anna: haha..i love the play by play

Me: Bird still here. more aggressive
Anna: so weird! What does that little fella think he's doing?

I also called Kurt to tell him about how afraid I was! He ended up coming to see me, but he brought no weapon to my aid.

Ok, so that was Thursday. Friday, it was still there. Same psychotic activity again. The weekend passed. Yesterday: STILL there! So, my boss asked me to find a way to get rid of it. (As if I hadn't wondered what, besides Kurt's BB gun, would shoo away this pest!) I decided to Google "How to get rid of annoying bird." I found some hilarious results :

* For the past 2 years I have had a mockingbird attacking my truck mirrors and glass. He/she also attacks the house windows. Now all that would be okay but he/she will poop and use it's wings to smear the poop all over the mirrors as well as the truck and home windows. I have tried fake owls and even a dead one, no good. Pie pans and various blowing things...no good. Short of shooting him/her, I think you will just have to live with the pest until it dies of old age in about 15 years.

* Throw something at it.

* Sling shot - no but seriously just find the tree with the nest in it during the day and knock it down. It'll probably go away.

* No seriously a pellet gun.

* Buy a cat?

* A pellet gun would be more accurate, but be careful. A lot of towns these days have made air rifles illegal. Shoot it out the window. Seriously! Why go through the discomfort of ear plugs? No one will see you shoot the darn thing. Shoot it and bury it in your garden. It's the circle of life.

* That bird is taking revenge until it dies or you move.

I'm inclined to believe the last one is true because that freak was back again this morning. I wonder if you have experienced such annoyance from one of God's creatures. Any tips on blotting out it's existence from my life without intentionally killing it?