Long Live The KING!

...Bob Barker, that is. This morning I turned on the television, and I saw Drew Carey hosting The Price Is Right. DREW CAREY?!? I admit, it's better than Rosie O'Donnell. But, a walking slice of rotten, putrid cheese is better than Rosie O'Donnell. Drew Carey hosting my favorite game show of all time might be old news to some people. I remember hearing rumors about potential new hosts a few months back, but I did not know until this morning that one had been chosen. Well, he stinks. Big time. Bob Barker is irreplaceable. That's who Beyonce' wrote her song about. "You must not know about [Bob Barker]"...Anyway, I completely disagree with choosing a replacement. No one could ever measure up to Bob, even if he was kind of a perve and went to court a few times for alleged sexual harassment. I'm still mourning his retirement, and CBS interrupted my grief process with even worse news! Drew Carey already hosts Power of 10, which I've only seen twice and haven't loved. Why let him flaunt his failed career on daytime television, when he clearly proves its downfall during the evening? I give him a year on The Price Is Right...maybe. Surely God won't allow this blasphemy to continue for much longer.

It was always my dream to be a contestant on The Price Is Right when I turned 18. But, my grandparents got me a car instead...I wanted to hear those words, "A new car!" from Bob's mouth, but I settled by hearing it from my grandparents. Actually, they would've said, "A used car!" Oh, well. Life goes on, I guess. That's just one thing on my wish list that I'll never accomplish. I'll never get to kiss Bob's tan, leathery cheek. I'll never get to hear my name called over the loud speaker followed by "come on down!" I'll never get to run down the aisle chest-bumping complete strangers and giving them high fives. I'll never get to make a bid and hear "the actual retail price is..." or say, "One dollar, Bob" or get evil glares from my neighboring contestants for bidding one dollar over their bid and winning. I'll never get the chance to play Dice Game, Hole-in-one, Plinko, Cliff Hangers, Clock Game, Hi-Lo, One Away, Squeeze Play, Range Game, or Punch-a-Bunch. I'll never get to spin the wheel in the bonus round and win $1,000 or an additional $5,000 or $10,000. I'll never get to go to the showcase showdown and pass the sucky showcase to my neighbor and bid the perfect number so I win both showcases and celebrate with my friends on stage while Bob tells me: "Bob Barker reminding you; help control the pet population. Have your pet spayed or neutered. Goodbye, everybody!"...Alas, none of this will ever be. But, I can still dream about what might have been...In my own heart, I'll always be one of Barker's Beauties.