Words of Wisdom

I need to write down all the things my grandmother says to me. Her comments almost always have to do with my weight (yes, she's always harped on lil' ol' me about my weight -- even though I have had my bigger times in the last year --) or my appearance (what I'm wearing, how my face/hair looks, etc.).

My grandmother is a proper lady. She hardly ever speaks a crass word, and if she does, she spells it. For example, one time she said, "I am so D-A-M-N angry..."

She and my precious grandfather stopped by my office today to give me a hug. I haven't seen them in a few weeks, and they were passing through Tupelo and wanted to see me. It was a pleasant visit as usual, but then we had this conversation:

"What meeting do you have today at 5:00?" asked Grandmom.
"It's with a pretty important client," says I.
"Well, make sure you put your powderpuff to your nose beforehand," Grandmom concluded.

Of course. Can't leave without commenting on my appearance. She is too proper to say, "Your face is shiny. Fix it."

She also likes to say, "You just need the taste." She says that when telling my grandfather he doesn't need a ton of jelly for his toast (because you just need enough to taste it, not enough to pack on the calories) or when ordering a kid's sized yogurt instead of a normal-sized one.

Stay tuned for more words of wisdom from my grandmother, who will put you down, but only in the nicest, most loving way.